You know the one.
They make time for the gym.
They eat well without obsessing.
They say no to office cake without drama.
They avoid the meal deal and somehow produce a proper, nourishing dinner on a Wednesday night.

And meanwhile, you’re thinking:
Why is this so hard for me when it looks so easy for them?

I see people trying to become this version of themselves all the time. They want to lose weight for confidence, have more energy, lift the brain fog so they can focus better at work. So they do what makes sense on the surface: they read articles, download the latest app, hire a PT, or follow someone on social media who tells them exactly what to eat and how to train.
And for a short while… it works.
Until it doesn’t.

Because here’s the truth most health advice misses:
Knowing what to do is not the same as being able to do it consistently.

This article brings together three things that actually create change:
• the process of behaviour change (why change happens in stages, not overnight)
• understanding your triggers and what’s really driving your unhelpful habits
• my 5 Star Habit Framework, which shows you how to build habits that stick
When you understand how these fit together, the whole thing becomes simpler, kinder, and far more effective.

Step One: Understanding Where You Are in the Change Process

Most people think behaviour change starts with action:
Join the gym. Start the plan. Cut out sugar. Be more disciplined.
But psychology tells us something different.
Behaviour change happens in stages, not leaps. Broadly speaking, people move through:
• Pre contemplation – not really seeing a problem yet (or not ready to face it)
• Contemplation – knowing something needs to change, but feeling stuck, conflicted or overwhelmed
• Preparation – starting to gather information or make small adjustments
• Action – actively changing behaviour
• Maintenance – keeping the habit going over time
Most people when I start working with them, are not lazy or unmotivated. They are usually stuck in contemplation.
They know the evening snacking isn’t helping.
They know skipping lunch backfires.
They know movement would help their energy and mood.
But knowing doesn’t automatically create change.
And this is where so much advice goes wrong (and why simply applying advice rarely works, but more on that later). It talks to people as if they’re already in the action phase, when actually they’re still working out why they do what they do in the first place.

Step Two: Closing the Knowledge Gap (the Right Way)

There can be a genuine knowledge gap at the start, and I help clients work out where those gaps are.
Questions like:
• Should I do cardio or weights?
• What actually is a carbohydrate, and how much do I need?
• Why am I not losing weight when I’m barely eating?
• What does a “balanced meal” even look like for me?

This is where information matters (and you can read more about this in my other articles).
But here’s the key thing: this knowledge has to be personal.
Watching a ‘what I eat in a day’ Instagram reel won’t help if she’s 31, training twice a day, sleeping eight hours and doesn’t have your hormones, stress levels, job or brain.

So yes, we figure out:
• what information you actually need
• what behaviours of yours realistically need to change

Maybe that’s lifting weights and for many women over 45 this is good place to start.
Maybe it’s finding a type of movement you’ll genuinely enjoy.
Maybe it’s eating three proper meals instead of skipping lunch and grazing all afternoon.
Maybe it’s reducing late night scrolling so sleep can finally do its job.
But information alone still isn’t enough.
Because behaviour doesn’t live in logic. It lives in habits. Our everyday small actions that get repeated.

Step Three: Understanding Your Habit Loops (The Real Driver)

Habits form in loops.
Every habit has:
• a trigger
• an emotion or state
• a behaviour
• a reward

Let’s take the classic evening pattern I see with many mid-lifers and I was one!
The trigger might be getting home after a stressful day.
The emotions might be exhaustion, anxiety, boredom or disconnection.
The behaviour becomes wine, takeaway, the sofa and a family size bag of something crunchy.
The reward is real: switching off, comfort, dopamine, connection, relief.
Your brain isn’t stupid. It’s solving a problem.
The issue is that the solution creates another problem. Energy crashes. Poor sleep. Guilt. Weight gain. Brain fog. And so the loop repeats.
This is why telling yourself to “just stop snacking” rarely works.
You’re not addressing the need underneath.

Step Four: Interrupting the Loop (Without Willpower)

Change starts by interrupting the loop, not fighting it.
Instead of asking “How do I stop this behaviour?”, we ask:
“What am I actually needing here?”
• If snacking is the only pause in your workday, where else could rest exist?
• If sugar is your energy strategy, what would give you energy without the crash?
• If food is how you connect with your partner, what else could meet that need?

This isn’t about taking everything away. It’s about meeting the same need in a different way.
And this is where people often say:
But it’s not that simple, now you’re just telling me Becky to change my habit!
You’re right.
Which is why we need a framework that makes habit change easier, not harder.

And I’ve spent years reading the books (thank you James Clear (Atomic Habits), Charles Duhigg (The Power of Habit), and Stephen R. Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) Dan Pink (Drive), BJ Fogg (Tiny Habits), Richard Thaler (Nudge Theory), Miles Downey (The coaches Coach) to name a few..) to come up with my simple 5 Star Habit Framework

Step Five: The 5 Star Habit Framework (The HOW)

This is where my 5 Star Framework comes in. Whether you’re breaking a habit or building one, these five elements matter.

Alignment

Is this habit aligned with who you believe you are?
If you see yourself as lazy, disorganised or “bad at routines”, your behaviour will follow that identity.
If you begin to see yourself as someone who values their health, moves their body, nourishes themselves and keeps promises to themselves, behaviour starts to shift naturally.

Attainability

Is the habit realistic?
Five gym sessions a week when you’re exhausted and time poor isn’t brave. It’s unsustainable.
Small, achievable habits build confidence and momentum.

Automation

Can this habit run with less thinking?
Environment design matters. Trainers by the door. Lunch planned once instead of decided daily. Fewer decisions, more consistency.

Attachment

Is the habit attached to something that already exists?
Habits stick better when they’re linked to current routines, not floating in isolation.

Attractiveness

Does the habit feel rewarding now, not just in the future? Is there a positive pay off, even if that’s just ticking it off on a sheet or someone saying !well done, I’m proud of you”.  Our brains need a positive reason to repeat the behaviour.
If it feels punishing, it won’t last. If you can see and feel the benefit and there is a ‘reward’, it will.

Bringing It All Together

Real behaviour change happens when:
• you understand where you are in the change process
• you identify what’s driving your current habits
• you build new behaviours using a framework that works with human psychology

This is how people become that person.
Not through willpower. Not through perfection. Not through white knuckling another plan.
But through understanding, strategy and support.

Ready to Apply the HOW?

If you’re reading this thinking “This makes sense, but I need help applying it to me”, you’re exactly who my work is for.
You can:

Join my upcoming free webinar ‘The Midlife Reset’ to learn more about the basics of how to apply this in real life

Or Join my Group Programme, called SHINE where you’ll get support, accountability, new learning, group camaraderie AND 121 personalised health coaching!

Because change isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about finally using the right process.